


chasing chances

by excorde (constant)



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Trainee Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant/pseuds/excorde
Summary: That one episode where Jihoon and Junkyu ran away from rehearsals, arrived at a nearby playground, shook the swings, and went back three minutes later because they were scared.— told longer and differently.
Relationships: Kim Junkyu/Park Jihoon
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	chasing chances

**Author's Note:**

> writing canonverse scares the shit out of me even more so when the plot revolves around sad/sensitive topics as this one :( 
> 
> i know some fans arent too keen on recalling the past so here's a few notes/warnings to give u an idea if this is worth sticking around for:
> 
> -for the purpose of keeping this as a pure treasure fic, i did not mention any ex trainees names  
> -set around early 2018 which accdg to my research, m9 is still ongoing. i did not watch the show so i didnt dwell on it here that much.  
> -this fic alludes to jihoon leaving the company
> 
> enjoy!

Jihoon doesn't hear the question the first time. 

It feels like a whisper fading within strong winds, a distant echo – as if he's deep down in a well and Junkyu is somewhere far above, calling out for him in a feeble attempt. 

Jihoon has been disconnecting a lot lately. A machine programmed and set out to perform the same routine every day. To practice the same dance composition, to go through the same vocal lessons, to hear the same criticisms, the same looks of disappointment, to run and fall - over and over and over - only to realize that there's no point in anything. 

He's not moving.

He can already hear Hyunsuk's voice in his head, begging to disagree: _"You've worked so hard, Ji! You're doing incredible!"_

Jihoon begs to disagree. 

Despite all the sacrificed time, sleep, and overexerted efforts, Jihoon is not moving. 

He knows this much is true when he can easily point out who _is_ — _Yedam_. And Doyoung. And Hyunsuk. The group in the middle of the rehearsal room at the moment, practicing what appears to be the highlight of their dance routine at the last minute, before the monthly evaluation begins. 

He has never felt smaller huddled in the corner like that, knees pulled to his chest, eyes training back and forth to every person milling about in energy, nerves, and perhaps a bit of excitement. 

Jihoon does nothing but compare himself to others lately. And maybe that's what's causing the disconnection. And maybe that's what's causing his fall out, the poor performance. Or maybe it's the other way around - the bad performance causing the disconnection, the insecurity, etcetera, etcetera. 

Perhaps that's the reason why he couldn't _move_ because he's trapped in a circle of his thoughts and insecurity. 

A loop, going over and over and over- 

"Do you wanna run away?" 

Jihoon hears the question this time. 

Only, he doesn't think he hears it right. 

"What?" 

"Do you want to run away?" Junkyu repeats the question, expression knitted into an intent glare that it looks as if he's challenging Jihoon into a fight. 

He notices how the other is positioned the same as him - legs wrapped around his legs, leaning against the wall, side pressed against Jihoon. They're the only ones on the floor, and if he isn't already feeling pathetic Jihoon would have laughed.

"With you?" 

Junkyu double takes, presumably for having just realized the insanity of his suggestion. Not only is he asking to dip a few minutes before the evaluation, but he's asking _Jihoon_ of all people.

In the second between the hanging question and Junkyu's faltering resolve, Jihoon thinks about all the jokes, the clapbacks, and the laughter. There is not a single moment of them alone. Jihoon doesn't think he can _stand_ being with Junkyu alone. The two of them go together like a sitcom. Every word thrown to the other is followed by a laughing track, which is to say, generously contributed by their friends. 

But Junkyu does something to make the entire exchange more bewildering than it already is. 

He nods.

There is a nervous tenor in the way he looks at him. The way he's hunched over, the fact that his knees are practically stuck on Jihoon's. The way he peers at him with sad hopeful eyes. 

And – _ah_. Jihoon remembers now. The show. That stupid show. How it has been dealing more harm than good to his friend. 

Jihoon clenches his fists, fights the urge to punch someone - _anybody_ \- in the face, wants to yell at everyone who thinks they know better. They don't. They don't. 

Jihoon looks at him, and sees the same troubled eyes, only this time, he sees right through it. It's almost a reflection of Jihoon himself, but different. The other trainees would often say this about them: ' _you're both so different yet so similar at the same time.'_

Jihoon only understands it now. 

He fights the urge to pat Junkyu on the back, or to pat his hair, or to caress his cheek, and tell him it's going to be okay. 

"You want to go _now_?" It comes off as a whisper. Though the idea of running away seems relieving and exciting, he's not too keen about being caught.

"Well, do you have time to pack?" 

That little sarcastic remark did it, reminding Jihoon of _the_ Kim Junkyu he's accustomed to, the one he's comfortable with. Not the one who stares at him with sad eyes, effectively making Jihoon want to fight everyone who made him like that. Not the one who renders him dumb and speechless at the thought of them being alone. 

Jihoon takes another look around the room. It's still brimming with the same intimidating energy as trainees run through dance moves and vocalizations, just the way it should be. 

He thinks, it's time to get rid of the odd ones out. 

He turns to Junkyu, not sure of the stretch in his lips if it's coming off more as a grimace than a smile, then says, "Let's go before I change my mind." 

×××

There's no one in the hallways to catch them mid-antic. 

Jihoon kind of wishes there is. _What am I doing? This is not right. I'm running away from my dream. We're going to get caught. They're going to kick us out. This isn't right. We should go back. We should-_

Jihoon's somehow glad that there _isn't_ , as Junkyu looks over his shoulder to shoot him a strained smile, reaching out to pull him by the wrist to keep him from lagging behind. 

Their footsteps echo on the floor. Jihoon almost falls on his face when Junkyu yanks him forward without warning, making him stumble against the other's back instead. 

Junkyu only giggles, pushes Jihoon upright, then leads the way again, fingers still wrapped around Jihoon's wrist.

They somehow make it to the children's playground, only a block away from the building, but a great accomplishment overall considering the situation. 

Jihoon is breathless from all the running, from all the time he held his breath when he thought someone was coming and they're finally done for, from the way his heart had raced from all the nerves, and something else. 

Jihoon plops down on a swing, then lifts his head to the sky. 

Jihoon has been doing this a lot lately. Wishing. Praying. As if silently sending wishes to the atmosphere could help solve his problems. 

When he looks at Junkyu a few beats later, he finds him seated on the swing next to him. Unlike him, Junkyu has his head bent downwards. 

' _Do you want to talk about it?_ ' hangs at the tip of his tongue, but the question seems almost ridiculous. Redundant. The truth is, they do talk about it. All of them. Everyday. About everything. So much so that a lot of them had grown a kind of immunity in the hoard of advice and the attempts of their peers trying to uplift their spirits. 

Jihoon doesn't know what to say anyway, and he's not sure Junkyu's too keen on hearing the same words over again, but that doesn't mean he's not concerned. 

"Hey." 

Junkyu doesn't look up until a second or so, not until he has swiped a finger under his eye, as if the hasty not-so subtle gesture would fool Jihoon. 

For his sake, he pretends he doesn't see anything. 

Jihoon gets on his feet, heading right in front where the other is seated. "Get up, Kyu." 

"What?" Junkyu's eyes are still glassy, lips cherry red from the cold. He's so beautiful, so real and Jihoon's mad because he's unaware of all this, unaware of the effect he has on people, on Jihoon. 

"Get up. Come on." Jihoon doesn't have the time to muster the courage to pull him up. He just does it – pulls him by the hand, gently helping him up to his feet. 

Now this is the part where he's supposed to pull him in, pat him on the back, caress his head, and tell him that everything will be okay. 

"Now what?" Junkyu asks. 

Jihoon lets his feet lead him to one of the swings. "Whenever I'm feeling under the weather, I shake swings to feel better." 

Junkyu stares at him like he's crazy. 

Reputation be damned, Jihoon grabs at the chains and projects all of his frustrations on the poor object, the seat rattling over Jihoon's scream. 

He stops when he loses breath, letting go of the chains at the same time. 

When he looks back at Junkyu, a smile forms on Jihoon's face, and that is perhaps the only smile he hasn't forced this week. 

"Screaming helps a bit too." 

To his surprise, Junkyu doesn't say anything to mock him about what he just did. He doesn't say anything at all. Instead, Junkyu heads to his own swing and follows suit, shaking it with a scream, louder and more passionate than Jihoon had demonstrated. 

At this point, they have started to catch some of the passersby's attention. Instead of doing something about it, Jihoon joins in the catharsis. 

He doesn't catch how the screams transitioned into laughing, but suddenly they are. Jihoon risks a glance at him, heart feeling a tad lighter upon the sight of Junkyu letting himself free. Then he thinks, when will he ever get the chance again? So he lets his gaze linger. 

"Kyu." Jihoon begins, heart in his throat. 

He must have sensed the gravity in his tone because in just a second, Junkyu sobers up and looks towards his direction in palpable concern. 

"Yeah?" 

"Whatever happens tonight-" 

_When they send me home tonight_ is what Jihoon means to say. 

He knows today's going to be his last day. Jihoon has known it since he has failed to keep up with the expectations, since he let the negativity blanket over his will and dreams, since he has realized he's been going around in circles. 

It only took a little while for him to accept it. 

And this is him accepting it - coming with Junkyu in this little rendezvous because _fuck_ , when will he get the chance to be alone with Junkyu again? 

"Promise me you'll stay in touch." 

Junkyu blinks, hesitates. He looks like he's about to argue, to protest, but instead he says, "I promise." 

That's one of the best things about Junkyu. He doesn't bombard you with far-fetched outcomes, of false hopes, and what ifs. He seems to accept the worst case scenarios, perhaps way more and ahead of everyone else. 

And that's the worst thing about him too. He had given Jihoon quite a hard time when he had been thinking of the best birthday present last September. Jihoon couldn't think of anything because everything he wanted to give Junkyu cannot be acquired using all the money in the world - confidence, optimism, hope, patience, _love_. 

Jihoon wishes he could just wrap his feelings and chuck it over Junkyu's direction. He wishes it were that easy. 

"Do you want to go back?" 

And this is _the_ Kim Junkyu he likes best. The one who doesn't give up on his dreams despite how hard things are becoming for him. 

Jihoon smiles, naturally, genuinely, silently fighting the urge to pull Junkyu into a hug. 

"Thought you'd never ask." 

×××

They head back to the building. They don't run. Jihoon doesn't want to run. 

He thinks, when will he ever get this chance again? 

So he stares at Junkyu's side profile all the way back, and forces a smile which he hopes isn't too weird whenever the other glances at his direction. 

Jihoon does nothing but wish too much lately. He wishes for a lot of things - the dream of debuting, the goal of being recognized and appreciated, of getting out of this stupid circle. 

Junkyu is in one of his wishes too. 

×××

(Contrary to what he believed and what he had prepared himself for, Jihoon wasn't sent home that night, but he does end up leaving the following month. 

The circle breaks.)  
  


**Author's Note:**

> pls take this with a grain of salt! thank you for reading <3
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/excorde)


End file.
